Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
