I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
