So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
