hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize