mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
