so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
