Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
