Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
