it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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