Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
