I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
