I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
