I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
