She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
