I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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