I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Your penis caused this!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
