If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
