My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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