my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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