It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
