she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
