Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
