i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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