doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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