So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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