the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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