I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
