haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize