so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
