just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
