We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sext me about skeletons
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
