feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
