Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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