My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
