I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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