At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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