You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
