I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
