Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
