drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
