grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Be still, my beating vagina.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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