just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
