I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
