Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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