Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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