Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
