ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
