im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
