Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
