I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
