his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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