I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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