First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
