while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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