Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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