before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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