Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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