i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
