I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
