just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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