p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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