you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
