Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
