Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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