my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize